One of my very rich clients said – Bidhan, if you really want to make money – stop chasing it. I didn’t quite understand what he meant as I was a young banker and still building on my dream of making tons of money like him. What did he mean? Was he telling me not to be focused on my goals? That led me to a whole different set of questions.

Does detachment mean lack of involvement, feelings? Does it mean indifference, disinterest, being neutral, lack of any connect, etc.? Does it mean lack of attachment or lack of desires? While these are the regular dictionary meanings, today I understand that detachment means none of these.

Let’s ask ourselves – Is it possible to have no desires? Only the dead have no desires. Desires drive our actions and motivate us to move ahead. It has an important role to play. For instance, this blog is here as I have a desire to share my learnings. So, detachment is not about not having desires!  It’s not the desires that are the problem, but our inability to handle ourselves when our desires are not met, to our satisfaction! We have a desire, and we are attached to the idea of that desire being fulfilled exactly in that manner, in the time frame we want. When that doesn’t happen, we get restless and frustrated.

As per my understanding, detachment has 2 components – 1. Pursuing our desires 2.  remaining unaffected by the outcome. In principle, detachment is about moving towards fulfilling our desires and yet not being consumed by it.  It’s about accepting both favorable and unfavorable outcomes with the same attitude. Detachment gives the ability to remain committed to what is in my control, rather than being only being fixated on the goal.

It’s never about losing focus; it’s about shifting the focus from the outcome to the action

Earning money is a desire. Naturally, we all seek safety and convenience. When we achieve our desired result, the framework of detachment says that we must acknowledge that along with our actions and efforts, a whole lot of other factors, made this outcome possible. This seems doable.

The challenge comes when you are unable to meet the desired outcome. How do you remain unaffected despite giving your best?

Let’s take an example. There is a tennis tournament where you have prepared hard and there is certainly a desire to win, however let’s say you get knocked off early in the tournament

Situation 1: This is a friendly tennis match

situation 2: You are a professional tennis player and playing to move up in the league table

You’ll feel bad in both the cases. But why is the intensity of pain higher and the acceptance of the defeat lower in situation 2? Because the outcome is critical and significantly important for you, as it provides ‘security’ in some way.

So naturally it’s difficult to remain detached from the outcomes where you perceive them to be critical for you! Hence, we have various levels of detachment for different aspects of our life, which also change over time.

Let’s see another example. I know of people who would very easily manage the challenges of their business but when there is a problem in the family, they get rattled. If they have a rigid view of how a family should be, it will be very difficult to detach from that view. Any outcome apart from that particular view, just would not do! While with business they may be open to uncertainties and some variability. Therefore, even when the outcome is different from what was expected, they are able to move into action or even shift the goal if needed.

Finally, detachment depends on your ability to remain secured and fearless. Is it possible and easy to remain fearless in this volatile and unpredictable world?  Our ancient texts prescribe an essential framework, Karma Yoga, that makes it possible! Is it easy – may be not, as it requires awareness (which we are not used to), a lot of practice (where you allow yourself to make mistakes & try again) & belief (that you are taken care of and everything happens for a reason).

Coming back to my client, he continues to drive me nuts to ensure that his financial portfolio generates best returns, while he calmy handles his business in the same unpredictable environment. I guess I still need to learn detachment from him : )